Memories
by tutriceange
Summary: BennycentricAllison later. Written for speed rent. Benny and his view on his friends.


Another story that was written for speed rent! This one is very Bennycentric! The challenge was to write a fic about Benny/Allison and there needed to be an anniversary of something important, a burning candle and seven of something.

Enjoy! R & R!!!!!!!!!!!

January 18, 2006.

Benny sat there in the front seat of his range rover staring up, trying to catch a glimpse. He leaned back in his seat, staring straight out in front of him, not really focusing on anything. Benny heard his phone ringing, so he reached for it.

Allison.

He groaned and set it back down. That's the last thing he wanted to deal with right now. Her constant accusations that he was cheating on her. In a way she was right, he was cheating, but not in the way she would think. He was cheating himself out of a chance for happiness. He loved Allison and new that she loved him back, despite her catching him cheating on her with Mimi. But that really was the only time. And that only happened because it was around this time when they had met last year.

This time. January 18th. The day Benny had moved into the loft with Roger, Mark, and Collins nine years ago. This was their "anniversary" so to speak. Not like any of _them _remembered or anything--they hated him now. He was the bad guy.

But that's what he was doing right now. Just sitting outside the loft, trying to catch a glimpse of one of them. They don't know how much Benny missed them all. How he didn't want things to be like this.

_Just one look. I just want to see how they're doing-that's it._ He reasoned with himself.

He opened the door to his range rover and stepped outside into the bitter cold. Immediately, he pulled his jacket tighter around himself as he walked towards the fire escape. He knew that using the door would only get him into an argument with everyone and all he wanted to do was remember the good times.

He carefully climbed the steps of the fire escape, using the garbage dumpster to give himself a boost up-like he'd always done. It's not that he always came to watch them, he wasn't a creep, but every year on this day he would climb the fire escape and just sit outside their window, watching how they interacted with each other. He knew if they ever found out they would accuse him of spying on them or worse, but he still did it anyways.

He peered in the large window, at the side of it so they wouldn't see him. His heart hurt at the sight. They were all sitting there talking, with a few candles burning around them. Maureen was lighting yet another candle before returning to her spot. Now Maureen and Joanne, her new girlfriend, were sharing a chair and sitting there, laughing with the rest of the group. Mimi and Roger were doing...a lot more than just cuddling together. Mark was, of course, with his camera. Benny had to smile at the sight of Collins and Angel. He was happiest for Collins, that he'd finally found someone he could love. Benny knew Collins had never really had anyone. In fact, the only person Benny could even remember Collins going out with the entire time he lived with them was Chris, the guy who gave Collins AIDS.

Benny shivered and decided it was time to go. Go back to reality, unfortunately. He once again began climbing down the steps, landing on the top of the garbage dumpster, and then jumping off. He quickly made his way back to the range rover, unlocked it, and got in. As he started the car, he gave one last look up to the window. All he could see was the light coming from it and remember the sight he had seen. With that, he drove away.

The entire way home, all Benny could think about was how he longed to be back apart of that family. How much he wished him and Allison could be sitting in that freezing, run down, piece of shit apartment with them. He missed them so much, they were his family. Were, being the key word. They hated him now, he needed to remember that.

Benny pulled into his driveway slowly, since it had started to snow. It was light and fluffy. Picture perfect, literally. He knew April would have loved this type of snow. She was always saying things like that around winter time. He smiled to himself as he allowed himself to think of her for the second time tonight.

He walked in the front door, calling out, "Allison baby, I'm home."

She appeared from the kitchen smiling, but he could sense her distrust immediately. She went up to him, wrapping him into a hug and giving him a gentle little kiss. She took a step away to take him in. Benny watched her, smiling at his wife, when all of a sudden her smile faded in an instant. She tentatively reached out a hand and grabbed a rose petal that had gotten stuck under his hood. She held it up and whispered, "Benny...what's this?"

Benny shook his head, his smile wavering. "Nothing baby, it's nothing."

She turned to him. "It looks like more than nothing Benjamin! You are always off doing something and say 'I'll be home soon' or 'It's nothing,' or my personal favorite, 'Just trust me when I say that you have nothing to worry about.' This worries me Benny. Come to think of it, you are always gone on this exact date every year. I remember because last year I had my girlfriends over for a little girl's night and I asked if it was okay and you said that's fine because you weren't going to be here. And the year before that I remember you were gone for five hours. Five hours! No phone call, no word from you. It was like you disappeared off the face of the earth! Please...what's going on?" She asked him, preparing herself for the worst.

Benny knew he was defeated. He'd have to tell her, it was just so hard for him to talk about. Talk about the fact that his friends hate him but he would want nothing more that to be apart of that family again. But Allison would understand, she'd have to.

He sighed. "Allison, Allie...I miss my friends," he said quietly, with much more emotion than he could have expected. "I know you know that they don't like me and don't want talk to me anymore, but I still miss them. They were my family, before you came along. I know, I shouldn't dwell on them, but I can't help it, especially today. Today was the day I moved in with Collins, Mark, and Roger nine years ago."

Allison only nodded. "Sweetie, I-I had no idea. Why didn't you tell me? God, I feel like such an idiot right now," she said as she fell onto the couch, putting her head in her hands.

Benny shook his head and sat down next to her. "No, baby, don't say that. You didn't know, cause I never told you. I just...didn't want you to know how much I miss them--don't really want any one to know." He admitted for the first time out loud.

She picked up her head, looking at him in the eyes. "I understand that. But why don't you tell them that? I'm sure they'd love to hear-"

"No they wouldn't Allie," Benny said, interrupting her. "They hate me, remember?! I'm the bad guy. The guy who sold them out for a new life." He said sadly. "They think I only married you because of the money, and that's also why I ditched them." He turned to her, taking her hands into his. "But that's now true. I love you, always have and always will. I love you and I left them to marry you. After our wedding they hated me, because of who your father is. They thought I would become just like him. They gave me little choice and never even gave me the time of day after we got married. It's like...they wanted me to be just like him or something," he said softly.

Allison laughed. "No one wants to be like my father! He's a horrible man. He just doesn't appreciate the starving artists, the people that make Alphabet City run. He just needs to lighten up." She said with a smile. Her father was the thing that drove both Benny and Allison crazy! He was always interfering with their lives and forcing Benny to work for him in order to marry Allison--that was low, even for him. But Benny had insisted on doing it because he loved Allison. That was why she had fallen so hard for him--his determination.

She turned towards him, gently rubbing her small hand along the side of his face. "You are not like my father. Not even a little bit. You two don't have a similar hair on your heads."

"That's because I don't have any hair," Benny said with a small smile.

"Exactly!" Allison said with a laugh. "All the more reason that you two are not alike!" She said as she gave him a kiss on the cheek. "So, what's with the rose petal?" She questioned gently.

Benny sighed and leaned back against the couch. "That was for April's grave. Her and Roger used to be quite the pair, but then she...committed suicide. It's alright though, well, now it is. Every year on this date, since her death, I get seven long-stemmed roses for her. But she, she was the person that introduced me to the reason as to why people would rather be starving and cold than live with their parents. She helped me find the reason as to why I was there, living with them. She helped me figure out what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be. She was one of my closest friends." He exhaled deeply. "She reminds me a lot of Angel-Collins new girl, well, boy," he said with a smile. "I remember this one time, Collins and I were alone in the loft and randomly he blurts out, 'Would you be offended if I smoked pot in front of you? If you would be, would you mind going in the other room then?'" Benny started to laugh as he remembered all the good times he'd had with his friends.

Allison was laughing too. "They sound like a wonderful group. I wish I would have known them." She told him seriously.

He nodded. "I wish you would have too. I think you would have gotten along best with Mark. He always has his camera with him, filming things. He would have thought you were interesting and wanted to do an interview." Benny said with a smile.

Allison smiled. "He does sound like a sweetheart," she said as she got up. "I have a few more things to do around the house."

Benny nodded. "Okay. Hey Allie...thanks, for listening and stuff."

"No problem sweetie, just try not to think about what you don't have, think about what you do. Who knows, you might become part of that group again." She said with a knowing smile as she walked out of the room.

"God I love that woman," Benny mumbled to himself as he stared out the window into the snowstorm that had started. Who knows, may be she would be right and somehow things would turn around for him? But he knew Allison was right about not dwelling on it. Why should he? He was in love with the most amazing woman alive.

And to him, that was reason enough to stop thinking about it-at least until next year.


End file.
